December 12, 2010

I am most whole in turbulence.

[This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?]

In July I developed a fear of flying, a very specific fear of the notorious turbulence over the Pacific.  Whenever I spoke to someone who had travelled eastward from Asia to America I would ask – ‘Did you hit a pocket?’ ‘What was it like?’ and no matter how my questions were answered, my doubts and fears and expectations grew.  I would lay awake at night in the sweltering heat of summer listening to the crickets and wonder aloud.   ‘Would we be like that FedEx flight?’, ‘Would I have my seat-belt on if it happened?’, ‘What if we hit no turbulence, then I would never know how it felt…’  All the while, a very patient someone next to me was silently rolling his eyes in the dark.

As our plane flew across the deep blue expanse we did indeed hit a minor pocket of turbulence.  I sat back, silent with eyes wide open and stopped preparing.  I held my husband’s hand and I was.  I looked to him and he looked towards me and smiled.  Probably thinking to himself that I am an awful chicken when it really doesn't matter.  And I remembered.  We were fine.  We have lived, are living and will live this life. 

And then, as we took a rather large dip down in altitude the Japanese Boy Scout delegation headed to the Annual Jamboree all began ohhhhing and ahhhing as if Pacific air turbulence was the roller coaster at FujiQ and I laughed at their enthusiasm, joined in and enjoyed the ride.

I am most present in moments when I am not analyzing or observing or planning, I am most present when I simply am.  Daily life seems to fill itself with lists and expectations and obligations that are self-imposed or imagined and the future is full of things that might go wrong.  Taking a moment to stop the worry, to release myself from what should happen, to stop focusing on the rules, and instead to simply be still and know and breathe…this is what helps me to feel most alive, most integrated and most present.  It also helps to surround yourself with boy scouts, in case of emergency.
See how others find themselves @Reverb10.

1 comment:

julochka said...

bring on the boy scouts! what a lovely musing on the turbulence...of life and actual turbulence. there's always some when you're high above mongolia as well.

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